It's Raining... It's Pouring...

They say when it rains it pours, and well that is exactly what it feels like. I don't think people realize how often I put a smile on my face when deep down I feel like crawling into a hole to hide from the rest of the world. I try so hard to keep the negativity I feel hidden away in hopes that only I know its there, but it always seems to find a crack to squeeze through to create a gaping hole.

I am 24 years old, with my 25th birthday fast approaching at the end of next month. The past couple weeks I have found myself lost in my thoughts on how 7 years ago I graduated high school with honors, was an active member in the band and was a member of the girls track and field team. I had two very proud parents who showed it everyday. Since then, I have managed to fail out of CMU, spend $$$$$$$$$ at Macomb Community College where I have yet to achieve a degree of any kind, I lived on my own only to come crawling back home to mom and dad's house where I will remain for who knows how long. I currently have 3 jobs; Working at the Detroit Zoo, running clocks at Troy Sports Center, and working as a latchkey/preschool sub for WCS. I love all my jobs and I actually was feeling very blessed to have 3 jobs #1, but I was also feeling blessed because I actually ENJOY them! I was feeling great knowing I could work all 3, and save up a good amount of money before my subbing position ended in June. I was feeling proud of myself for working on my days off and thought maybe I would get a little encouragement  from the two people who always had my back through out high school. My mom tells me when she knows I need to hear it that she is proud of me No matter what, but for some reason I need to hear it from my Dad to know its true. Instead, I am told I need a REAL job, and when I asked like what, he responds with "Like at a Candy Store". Really? My younger sister has a great job working as an assistant manager at a candy store and I couldn't be more proud of her, but I am not her! She is definitely the one he is most proud of, which he has every right to be, but don't compare me to her. Don't aide in me feeling like a complete failure, because trust me I do that enough to myself. You may not see my 3, YES 3 jobs as REAL jobs, BUT THEY ARE TO ME! I AM WORKING MY ASS SO THAT ONE DAY I WILL BE PROUD OF WHO I AM AND WHAT I DO. ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO HELP ME BELIEVE THAT WHAT I AM DOING IS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF! SHOW ME SUPPORT. MAKE ME FEEL LIKE WHAT I AM DOING IS WORTH SOMETHING!

I am a soon to be 25 year old who feels like I have absolutely NOTHING going for me. I have NOTHING to show for the last 25 years of my life. I need some support to get me through this funk. All I'm asking is for some of that support to come from the ones I need it from the most. I don't ask for help. For some reason I am unable to ask for help, and I HATE letting people see me struggle. What I do best, is put a smile on my face and convince the world around me that I am a girl without a care in the world, but if you look closely you will see a woman begging for support and guideance....

I Love Fundraisers

Today was a good day. I really did not accomplish much personally, but I was able to help raise over $300 for my hockey team! I wish more of my teammates would have come out or aided in the success of tonight. If they would have put forth more of an effort, we could have raised a little more $$$ for our team, but I really can't complain. It was so much fun watching everyone bowl and have a good. I learned that my bowling improves significantly after 2 beers, and my coach even jokingly suggested maybe drinking a couple before hockey once in awhile =) I seriously love my hockey team! I could not have asked for a better group of women to skate with. They literally are like a second family. I respect and often times seek the advice of my coach and other teammates for more than just hockey. If there is one thing I can suggest to you, it is to join a sports team, club or some kind of group. They are the friends that become family.

Besides our fundraiser tonight, we also had the celebration of one of my favorite teammates 5 month marker after having a kidney transplant. Debbie is one of my favorite people ever. She has such a kind sweet heart, and her view on life is just inspiring. She is truly a wonderful person. I had made her a sign tonight to signify her 5 month "birthday", and she absolutely loved it. I stole this picture from her!

SHHHHH....Don't Tell!

 On the Right side is my favorite Coach, Roger, behind him is his wife and my defensemen Lenore, Next to her is Ken, the husband to our Social Coordinator Cindy, Next is Jess who I alternate goalie with (She's the better net minder), last but not least is Debbie in the Blue, or Doctor Debbie, as we like to call her =)

I wish I had a picture to share of everyone on the team, but this plus two others who had to leave, were the only ones who made it out tonight. Doesn't matter if we win or lose, we always have a great time and seem to always find something to laugh at.

I absolutely LOVE putting together and organizing fundraisers!!!! If you ever need help, I'm Your Girl!

XoXoXo

Krissy 

V-Day/ D-Day Time to Move On

Happy Valentine's day!

 I have yet to really experience Valentine's day with someone special, but that doesn't make me despise the day like most others. I think it is a great day to show love towards your special someone, and yes I agree you should treat your lover like it's  Valentine's every day, but that will NEVER HAPPEN!  So for one day a year, 95% of all couples have a day full of love and express a true desire for one another, is that such a bad thing? I don't think so, and I know some day, hopefully soon, I will get to experience my special Valentine's Day. But until then, I will happily wish every couple I know a Happy Valentine's Day full of love <3... End Rant =)

I really suck at keeping things updated, and that goes for this as well... I figured today would be a good day considering it's a holiday, and I think today I have finally accepted something that I have been finding very difficult to accept. I have come to realise that I may have had feelings for someone to find out it's too late.... I don't know if I truly have a love for him, or if it's just me always wanting what I know I can't have... Either way, it still hits me where it hurts. I'm glad to see him happy, and knowing that I can finally put an end to this back and forth game we have been playing with each other, is in a way a relief. I guess I know now that it is time to move on, and to start looking somewhere else for my special someone. It's finding that courage to actually move on I need a little help with. As I type this, it's as if I am finally accepting it and I am shedding the only tears I will let myself cry. He seems to be happy, so now it's my turn to wipe away my tears, lift my head up and find the same happiness. Time for me to grow up, and accept that we are friends and that is all it will be. I always seem to fall for the ones I can't have...

I'm ready to date, but dating scares me.... Lol I think I might be in trouble....

XoXoXo
Krissy

My True Love

Fridays are my absolute favorite day, but not for the same reasons as everyone else.... I love my Fridays because I am guaranteed time on the ice. Hi my name is Kristina and I am addicted to playing Hockey. Hockey is the only sport I could play for hours and hours and I wouldn't care if I was dead tired, I would keep playing. I have such a love for the game that I don't know what I would do if someone were to walk up to me and tell me I could never play again....

Tonight was our first game of the New Year, and I played goaltender. We ended up walking away with a 1-1 tie which is great for me considering every time I'm in net we seem to lose.... lol I love playing net, but I also love skating out. That's why there are two of us who alternate goalie. I often times get harassed by one or two people on why I play net when I play so much better when I skate out. What they seem to forget is that majority of our team is out there to have fun and that doesn't mean we have to win every game. I have a blast playing net, even though I'm not the greatest, and I have a blast skating out. The reason I love skating with Roger and the Predators is because they don't care. Yea it feels great to win a game, but I feels even better knowing we go out give it our best and are able to LAUGH on the bench and just enjoy the game of hockey. That is really what it is all about having fun, and that isn't just true with hockey, it's true for EVERYTHING. If it doesn't make you happy what's the point in doing it??? If you are not a professional getting paid to play there is no reason to take it so seriously. I wish the guys who play in adult leagues would realise this and maybe they wouldn't act like children on the ice all the time...

I hope everyone has something in their life they enjoy as much as I enjoy playing Hockey. Everyone not only deserves a joy like this to look forward too, but they also NEED a joy like this to truly be happy...

XoXoXo
Krissy

Random Thoughts

First off, I have to admit that I have become addicted to Pinterest.... I practically live on this site finding new creative Do It Yourself projects, amazing photo ideas, and my personal favorite NEW RECIPES!!! I am not a fan of cooking or baking for that matter, but I am the type of person who loves trying new cuisines. Because I don't cook and still live with my parents and sisters, I usually end up eating whatever someone decided to make that day. With the help of Pinterest, I am actually EXCITED to cook! I want to try and make every recipe I come across, even all the crock pot recipes when I don't even own a crock pot!!! Hmmmm that could pose a problem..... The plan is to report back here after I try out these recipes and give my little opinion on each one, and I will even share the recipes! Just because I might not care for it doesn't mean you won't like it or vise verse, and let's not mention the fact that I might just mess up the recipe, and you may have a better chance of making it the correct way...

Next, I have to be honest here, I have not attempted to exercise once today.... Besides going up and down the stairs, I have just sat on my ass all day. I REALLY REALLY NEED TO CHANGE THIS! I need some type of motivation to get me going like my own private trainer that yells at me to get my fat butt moving... Too bad I can't afford to hire someone to come here everyday and yell at me to get up and move my ass. Any ideas?!

Last but not least, I'd like to talk about how I am super jealous of my two younger sisters who seem to have boyfriends that make them happy! Well ok who am I kidding, I'm only really jealous of one of them because I actually really don't trust nor care for the other one, but that's a whole other story....  I'm done being the single girl I enjoyed it for a little while, but now I am done, I HATE BEING ALONE... This past year I have come along way in finding my true love for myself. What I mean by that is I finally realised that I don't care what you or others may think of me, I'm gonna be who I want to be and do what I want to do whether it pleases you or not! I have always believed that you must first know what you want before you could ever know what you want with someone else, and you cannot have a good relationship with someone if you do not have a great relationship with yourself.... I am so ready to try and start a relationship with someone. I want to go on dates and find that one true person, but I have no idea how or where to start. Being 24 years old and only ever having one boyfriend back when I was 18, makes taking that first step into the dating world a little scary... Maybe I still need to build more confidence before I am actually ready to take the step into the dating world or maybe I just need a good wing man to help me out. Whatever it may be I hope I figure it out soon. As much as my good friend Pete says I have plenty of time to fall in love, I still feel like the time is ticking away....  I know my Prince Charming is out there somewhere, but what are my chances of actually finding him?

XoXoXo
Krissy

Happy New Year

Happy New Year =) It's has been a while since I have made a new year's resolution, and even longer since I have actually followed through with my resolution. This year I decided on a couple resolutions and they are as follow:

1) Eat Healthier- Who doesn't make this resolution?! Lol I will attempt to stick with it this year, and have already searched out some yummy recipes to try on Pinterest!

2)Exercise a Little More- Here's yet another one that everyone makes, but I plan to follow through with this one as well even if it means just riding the bike an hour a day. I need to start doing something more than Hockey once or twice a week.

3) Last and not least, Create a Blog- And this would be the reason we are here now. I have always enjoyed writing and even have a journal that I write in once in a while. I have always wanted to start a blog, but never knew what to write about! So, I think I may just write what I want when I want too... I am the type of person who tends to bottle things up or often times wants to talk about something, but I never know who I can, so This Blog shall be my answer. I am not going to limit my posts to any one topic or promise that they will be an exciting read. What I can promise is that these words are real and are my thoughts and feelings at the time I write them.

These are my resolutions and I hope that I can stick with them and help create a better year than those in the past! Here's to New Friends, New Memories, and Hopefully a Great New Year! 2012 what do you have in store for us....

XoXoXo
Krissy